


Trauma

by guineamania



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Death of minor characters, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, after effects of torture, canon violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineamania/pseuds/guineamania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn knew that people didn't come out of a battle with Kylo Ren without injury. But he had forgotten that Poe was a mortal as everyone else</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trauma

“Hey Jess, have you seen Poe anywhere?” Finn asked, jogging across the hanger to the pilot. Finn was going out on his first mission and he wanted to see Poe before he went. It had been a long and hard recovery from his lightsaber born injuries but Poe had been by his side the whole time.  Once Finn was back on his feet, General Organa had been forced to return the Resistance’s best pilot to active duty. Now Finn was off to meet up with Rey and Master Luke. During her training, Rey had sensed a disturbance and the Resistance was sending forces to assist.

“I thought he was with you,” Jessika frowned, asking around but no one else had seen him. “He are supposed to be going on a training run but he hasn’t turned up.”

“I’ll go look for him, it’s likely he’s just running late,” Finn murmured but he knew Poe was never late. You didn’t rise that high in the ranks just on talent.

 

“Poe! Dameron!” Finn shouted, pulling open the door to Poe’s pod. It was dark but as the light clicked on Finn saw the shaking figure in the corner. Poe was wrapped in his blanket and shaking visibly. The bags under his eyes had grown to dark bruises and his hair was messier then its usual artfully tousled. “Poe?” Finn questioned softly but the pilot’s haunted eyes just stared straight through him. Finn dropped down onto his knees in front of his best friend and softly took Poe’s shaking hands in his own. As soon as their skin touched, Poe jumped out of his trance and tore his body away from Finn’s, letting out a harsh scream as if pain was tearing his mind apart. Finn was stunned, Poe had always been so fearless. He had faced Kylo Ren and had come out of it all guns blazing and had stolen a Tie Fighter. He had faced Kylo Ren. Finn snapped out of his daze with the realisation, nobody faced Kylo Ren and came away without some injury. “Poe, its okay,” Finn whispers, wrapping up the sobbing man in an embrace. It only took a few minutes before Poe began to calm down and Finn slowly released him. Poe was still slightly trembling but he seemed to be back to himself again.

“Finn?” Poe frowned, slowly getting to his feet and brushing the dust off his uniform. Finn sat in a daze as Poe carried on like nothing had happened. “Its today you’re going isn’t it,” Poe smiled weakly, wiping the tear tracks from his cheeks. “Good luck, but I expect that jacket back in one piece,” Poe continued, busying himself in getting ready for the exercise.

“Alright, but are you okay?” Finn questioned.

“Yeah I’m fine, of course I’m fine,” Poe continued, picking up his helmet and stepped into the corridor. “Good luck soldier,” he winked before hurrying away.

 

Finn was still reeling as he walked, on autopilot, back to the hanger. Poe was stood chatting with his squadron as if it was just a normal day. As if he hadn’t just been in the throes of a major panic attack moments ago. Finn just didn’t understand, surely someone couldn’t just change their personality in seconds.

 

XXX

 

Poe didn’t know what to do. Everything reminded him of that Space Station and he couldn’t shake the feel of cold probing tendrils tearing apart his mind. He could take the physical pain, he was trained to sit through days and days of torture but nothing could have ever prepared him for Kylo Ren. The Jedi’s mind powers were like nothing he had ever imagined. The cold anger tore through his mind and the hatred began to pull everything apart. His memories were flashing in front of his eyes and being pulled apart with an anger he had never experienced. The pain was unbearable but every time he thought he would succumb to blissful unconsciousness, Kylo Ren would drag him back and ask again. In the end he succumbed, he just couldn’t hold it back anymore. Anything for that torture to end. He screamed BB8’s name and description and the pain and hate instantly retreated. Finn’s arrival had sped everything up and had given Poe something to distract himself. However as soon as Finn was up and about, and Poe didn’t need to protect him anymore, he crashed. It pained him that Finn had to see him that way. Occasionally the anger and hatred returned in completely random moments, over whelming his mind and causing him to shut down. Then the pain came. Poe just didn’t know what to do with himself, his mind was rebelling against him. And he was losing. However he needed to be strong for his squadron, he was the best pilot in the resistance and he couldn’t be distracted by a Jedi’s stupid mind tricks.

 

Flying was a safe haven now. He could run through all these drills without thinking and the mind numbing repetition was freeing. It was the only time the tension drained from his body and a real smile began to form. “Black leader come in, I repeat Black leader can you hear me!” his comm unit fizzed into life, startling Poe slightly.

“This is Black leader,” Poe replied, halting the manoeuvre to receive the message.

“A First Order squadron has been spotted heading towards our outpost on Yavin 4. We are sending you to assist the forces there and report back on the threat,” the General ordered.

“Yes ma’am,” Poe replied, cutting off the feed to report to his squadron. For the first time in a long while, Poe was nervous. What if his mind betrayed him again? What if the exhaustion gripping his bones finally won? What if, what if he was there?

 

XXX

 

Finn returned a couple of days later to a strangely subdued base. Rey had been right and they had fought their way through a First Order Squadron that had been sent to retrieve a force sensitive child. The squadron they had met had been surprised that the Resistance had responded so quickly. It hadn’t taken long to subdue them and the child was being taught by Rey and Master Luke. Yet the feel round the base wasn’t what Finn was expecting; he had watched successful teams return and they were usually met with more enthusiasm. “Finn, General Organa needs to see you,” Jessika murmured, meeting the team in the doorway.

“Okay, what’s happened?” Finn questioned, following one of Poe’s best friends.

“Poe’s squadron was sent on a mission to help the base on Yavin 4, it was a trap. The majority of the occupants of the base and Black Squadron were killed,” Jess explained, that certainly did explain the sombre mood. Before Finn could ask about Poe, they arrived at mission control.

 

“Finn, well done on your mission. It was been lifting to have some good news in these last few days,” Leia stated, offering Finn a seat. “I’ve call you in here about our mutual friend. Poe,” Leia continued.

“Please tell me he’s okay,” Finn blurted out, the emotions boiling over at the first mention of Poe’s name.

“He’s uninjured, but he’s not okay,” Leia sighed, “have you ever heard of an illness called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?” she asked and Finn shook his head. “It is a condition that often effects soldiers that have been part of a traumatic situation. We believe that Kylo Ren’s torture of Poe has caused this disease in him,” Leia explained and Finn agreed, that would explain what Poe was like before he left. Finn knew that Kylo Ren never left anyone unscarred but he hadn’t expected the scars to be in Poe’s mind.

“He wasn’t well when I left,” Finn explained.

“He’s even worse now that the deaths on Yavin 4 are weighing on his mind. He hasn’t been sleeping and refuses to admit that he is ill,” Leia continued, she cared about Poe. He had been orphaned very young, his father had worked with Leia in the resistance originally on Yavin 4, and he had been almost like a brother to Ben living on the base until Ben was taken for training. Poe had been born in a little town nearby but he was always on the base as the threat of Darth Vader had passed. He had always wanted to fly and had idolised Han when the rogue was still around. Leia had actively encouraged her son to spend time with the boy his own age, until Luke had taken him for training. She knew the two men didn’t remember one another but it still pained her that Poe’s former best friend had been the cause of so much pain for the pilot. “We think you might be able to get through to him,” Leia smiled softly, her hand softly squeezing Finn’s should.

“I’ll give it a go.”

 

“Poe,” Finn whispered, unlocking the pilot’s door and quietly padding inside.

“Go away Finn,” Poe hissed, sat in the corner where Finn found him last time.

“No,” Finn stated, sitting down across from Poe. “You’re my best friend, Poe Dameron and I will not sit back and watch you fall like this,” he continued, edging closer to the tense man.

“It’s my fault. It’s my fault they died. If I wasn’t so weak then we could have won,” Poe continued, Finn finally getting a glimpse of Poe’s tear stained face. He was looking worse than when Finn left. His sunken eyes looked like he hadn’t slept since Finn saw him last and all colour was drained from his face. Tear tracks looked as if they were burned into his skin and his nails were frantically scratching at the exposed skin on his arm. Finn softly reached forwards and held onto Poe’s wrists. Jess had said that Poe’s plane had been grounded but he didn’t look to have any major injuries. Even with that Finn didn’t want Poe to be hurting himself any more.

“It is not your fault. It’s the First Order’s fault,” Finn stated slowly, despite Poe fighting his grasp.

“I stopped, I couldn’t shoot because he was there,” Poe sobbed, his limbs finally succumbing to exhaustion and his body collapsing against Finn’s.

“It’s okay. But you should let people help you,” Finn continued, releasing one of Poe’s wrists to rub little circles on Poe’s back. He had no idea what he was doing; he just wanted to sooth his friend and make sure Poe was going to be okay.

“Finn, I-I need help,” Poe admitted, sobbing into the leather jacket.

 

Finn managed to almost carry Poe through to the medical bay to get his minor wounds looked at and for the medical droids to try and get some fluids into him. It was chaotic as the medics tried to deal with refugees from the Yavin 4 base as well as injuries to their own foot soldiers but there was still enough room for Poe to get some quick treatment. He hadn’t said a word since his admission to Finn but he also hadn’t let go of Finn’s hand. Not that it was an unwelcome fact; Finn was himself soothed by the fact that Poe was not going to get hurt from where he was at the end of Finn’s arm. It had been a comfort and Rey always hated being dragged around by her hand for some reason. “We think you should be fine Mr Dameron, just make sure to eat healthily and stay hydrated,” the medic explained but she knew this was more for Finn than it was for Poe himself. Finn nodded and Poe stepped down from the bed with a timid smile at Finn who returned it with a beaming grin.

“You’re gonna be okay buddy,” Finn nodded as he led Poe towards the hanger. It had been Jessika who had suggested that Poe being around the remainder of his squadron and friends, and seeing that they were okay might make him feel better about the situation. It also might send him crumbling but there was no way sitting around in his room was going to get either of them anywhere. It might be able to take his mind off what had happened. Now Finn had deliberately not told Jess when they would be coming by to try and assure her that he really didn’t want a big deal made over this.

 

Thankfully the pilot had listened and everyone was just going about the usual everyday business when he finally managed to convinced Poe to step inside. He was determined that the remainder of the pilots would hate him no matter how much Finn told him otherwise. “Dameron!” Snap shouted, waving them over to the table where he was sat with Jess and some of the grounded Black Squadron. Leia had made even the not injured pilots stay on the ground until they recruited some more pilots and their ships were repaired. Poe hesitantly walked over with Finn’s hand grasped tightly in his for comfort. Finn squeezed it softly earning himself a weak smile from Poe.

“Good to see you up and around boss,” Black Three smiled, grasping Poe’s shoulder and Finn could see Poe leaning into the contact. Poe had been seeking contact a lot more and one of the medics said it might be to try and ground him in the reality and stop his mind taking him back to either Yavin 4 or the Finalizer. It made sense. Finn was so happy for the support he was getting from everyone, if he had been forced to deal with this by himself he would have no idea what to do and Poe would likely be getting worse.

“And with some nice arm candy,” Jess laughed with a wolf whistle.

“Shut it Pava, jealous are we?” Poe retorted, almost on autopilot and surprising everyone round the table including himself. However they all recovered quickly and burst out laughing causing Poe to hold himself a little taller. He seemed to be coming back to himself more and more as they all sat around chatting.

 

Finn knew Poe wasn’t whole. But neither was he. They both had their scars from the past but that didn’t make them any less of a person suddenly. There would always be bad days and it was likely that Poe would never be as carefree in battle and it was likely that he would never be able to take down Kylo Ren without destroying himself. However he didn’t have to do it himself. He had his squadron, Jess newly promoted to Black Five and enjoying the superiority over the other pilots, and his makeshift family. Poe smiled to himself in the mirror one morning a couple of months down the line. Finn dosed sleepily on their bed and Poe was pulling on his flight suit. He didn’t need to be made of stone anymore, if he cracked there were people ready to lovingly but him back together.


End file.
